WE BEGIN WITH A HUSBAND AND WIFE SITTING IN BED IN AN AWKWARD SILENCE.

HUSBAND (THOUGHTS)
Oh dear. Not again.
He flicks a glance at his wife, who looks back. She keeps looking at him as Husband looks away.

HUSBAND (THOUGHTS)
What have I done to send him into submission?

HUSBAND (thoughts)
The tight pants? The accident? The vigorous ‘catalogue shopping’?

We see Husband in too-tight gym pants at the junior school athletics championship. Then Husband walking down the street, turning to look at a pretty lady - and plowing crotch-first into a bollard.

A teenage Husband furtively pulling out a woman’s clothing catalogue from a hiding place - and flicking straight to the underwear section.

HUSBAND (thoughts)
Or is it something psychological? We see young Husband being made up by his sister.

SISTER
Keep still, princess. We go back to the present in the bedroom: Husband and Wife sit as before, awkward, tense. Husband has a disturbed facial expression left over from his memory.

HUSBAND
Ah well. Nothing like a good night's sleep to firm things up again. Tomorrow he’ll be back to his fine, upstanding self. A pause.

(quietly whispers) please?