Tips for talking to your partner about erection problems
Discussing erectile dysfunction can be a lot easier when you know how...
Knowing what to say and how to say it could make a big difference…
Think before you speak
Feelings about sex can be complicated. Try and keep in mind that your feelings may have as much to do with your insecurities as with your partners. Before you say anything, it's a good idea to work out how you really feel about the situation. Talking to close friends or writing it down may help you feel clearer.
Know what you want to say
If nerves and anxiety make it difficult for you to say what you mean, try practising. Whether you do it out loud or in your head, it can be a great way to get the right words flowing.
Choose your moment
There are times when talking about his erectile dysfunction isn't the best idea - for example if he's tired or had a few drinks. Wait until you're both calm, relaxed and away from distractions. You may feel like you don't want to ‘spoil the mood’, but it's actually an ideal moment.
Stay close
Sitting next to him and holding hands or making physical contact in some other way can be really reassuring - for both of you.
Give him the chance to talk to you
In a quiet moment, give him a few cues to start the conversation and let him know you'll be open and receptive. This could be as simple as saying: "Is there anything you want to talk about?" or "I've noticed our sex life has been changing recently, how are you feeling about it?"
Begin with a positive
Give him the reassurance he needs. For example, you might say, "The way you were touching me was absolutely perfect, but then I noticed that you lost your erection. Would you like to talk about it?"
Erection problems - It’s nobody’s fault
Try not to blame him - it will probably make him angry and defensive. Avoid starting a sentence with "You shouldn't…" or "You never…". Instead, you can say "I'm feeling…" or "I'm worried…"
Give the conversation time to sink in
It could take a while to process what's been said. You will both need time to think things over and respond without feeling rushed or pressured.
Be prepared to talk again
You may feel you've said what you needed to say and then the temptation is to feel relieved and move on. But like all aspects of a relationship, this will keep evolving.
It can be good to think about sexual communication as an ongoing process, rather than a one-off conversation. Other thoughts and feelings are likely to come up after you've spoken and it could be important to address them.
Focus on solving the problem
Fortunately, there are plenty of quick and effective treatments out there, which can be a great relief to you both. Talk about the options. What would work for you as a couple?
